Friendship to Last
by Xenopsyche
Summary: The best romantic relationships are built from strong friendships. This is an expanded and reimagined version of Shepard and Tali's relationship after her recruitment in ME2, up to the Suicide Mission.
1. Damages

**Disclaimer: **I do not own or make any claim to the Mass Effect universe or the characters contained in this story, all of which are owned by BioWare and Electronic Arts. This is simply my interpretation of some events within the game universe.

**[AN: Hey readers, thanks for checking out this story.**

**This is the first part of a 4-5 chapter piece that basically serves as my reinterpretation of Tali's romance arc in ME2.**

**As you may have guessed from the title, I wanted to explore the friendship behind the relationship. It's also why Garrus, Joker and Kasumi will be making occasional appearances throughout.**

**This first chapter is set almost straight after Tali's recruitment in ME2, which in my head-canon, happens immediately after Garrus' loyalty mission and Horizon.**

**I hope you enjoy the chapter./AN]**

* * *

**_Normandy _****SR-2, Near the Perseus Veil (December 2, 2185, 1905 hours, Ship Time):**

Shepard was currently pacing aimlessly on the Engineering deck, trying to determine where his Quarian friend could have got to; she hadn't seemed particularly pleased after the debrief.

He hadn't liked leaving Tali on her own on an unfamiliar ship (a _Cerberus_ ship at that), particularly after everything that had happened on Haestrom, but he couldn't abandon his responsibilities to the rest of the crew until they had safely left Geth Space.

But seeing as the _Normandy_ had exited the relay on the Terminus side of the Perseus Veil ten minutes ago, he had been trying to find her ever since. He had already checked Engineering but Ken told him that she had taken a quick look around and then left more than two hours ago.

It was strange, he had been certain she would have immediately immersed herself in the inner working of the new SR-2, but apparently recent events were still at the forefront of her mind.

He could sympathise with that.

Knowing he could search aimlessly for hours on a ship like this, Shepard decided he'd ask EDI for her location.

"EDI, can you tell me where Tali is currently?" He asked, seemingly to no-one.

"Tali'Zorah is currently in the Starboard Observation Deck. Is there anything else?" The measured voice of the AI responded from a nearby holo-panel as the familiar blue orb sprung into life.

"No EDI, thank you." Shepard replied, with a nod to her holographic avatar.

"Logging you out, Commander" The AI stated calmly.

'The Observation Deck?' he thought to himself, 'what is she doing in there? There's nothing to see. But, maybe that's the point…'

Exiting the elevator he made the short walk to the left then knocked on the door.

"Tali, it's Shepard. Can I come in?" He asked cautiously; it had been over two years since they had really had a chance to talk to each other and after everything that had happened on Haestrom… there was no way for Shepard to know exactly how she would be reacting to visitors.

"Shepard? Of course, please come in." The reply was familiar to Shepard but the voice was not. It sounded like she was on autopilot.

"I'm sorry we didn't get to talk earlier, until we got out of Geth Space I had to stay on duty." He offered as an explanation as he entered the room.

Tali was sitting rigidly in one of the recliners, staring blankly at the spectacular interplay of light and dark as the _Normandy_ accelerated through the system at FTL .

"I understand, someone has to keep an eye on Joker." she said with a small laugh, though it was clear to both of them that it was more than a little forced.

A lifeless silence filled the small room after that. Shepard recognised the silence, it was the same one he practically radiated in the months immediately after Akuze, the unnerving quiet of sombre reflection and permeating guilt.

He wasn't going to let Tali fall into the same pit he had.

"How are you holding up? Haestrom was… rough, I'm sorry I didn't get there sooner."

"There wasn't anything more you could have done. You managed to save Reegar and I, and you let us complete our mission. No, this was my responsibility, my fault. They died because I wasn't good enough." Tali replied quickly, still staring resolutely forward.

She kept her voice carefully balanced, devoid of any obvious hints to her emotional state. It was a far cry from the passionate and highly expressive vocal range that he had quickly grown to associate with her; and that alone told him everything he needed to know.

"No, they died because the Geth killed them. They died because you were ordered to complete a mission inside Geth Space. This wasn't your fault." He replied softly, hoping to comfort her somewhat.

He almost laughed at the irony, this was exactly the type of thing people had tried to tell him after Akuze; and he hadn't listened all that well back then.

Unsurprisingly, Tali replied with a derisive snort.

"Says you, the man who takes every injury, every slip-up, every hitch on a mission as his own personal failing. The man who still carries the ghosts of Akuze around with him! Who are you to tell me what I am and am not responsible for?! Those people died under _my_ command, _I_ failed them!" Her voice had become choked with emotion as she whipped her head around to face him, eyes blazing.

Shepard couldn't help the shadow of pain that flickered across his face when she mentioned Akuze, but he was actually glad she still had that fire and emotion burning inside of her; it meant she could recover from this, wiser, more jaded, and more damaged, but she would recover.

Seeing Shepard's face fall at her mention of Akuze and the accompanying scathing remarks, Tali immediately regretted her outburst.

"Keelah, Shepard, I am so sorry, I didn't mean to-"

"It's alright Tali, you're right. Actually Garrus said something very similar only a week or so back." He replied, cutting her apology off; in his mind, there was nothing to apologise for, anyway.

"Garrus? I can't imagine him saying anything like that to you. What happened to him?" She asked, confusion clear in her tone.

She had turned around fully in her chair now so they were facing each other as Shepard slipped into another nearby recliner.

"It would be best to let him explain, but it suffices to say that we've all gone through a similar experience or two now." Activating his omni-tool he called up the Turian in question. "Garrus, can you join Tali and I on the Observation deck? There are… things that we should discuss."

"I'll be right there." Came the curt reply.

As Garrus walked through the door less than a minute later, Tali caught sight of the heavy scarring and numerous bandages covering the left side of his face and tried, unsuccessfully, to stifle a gasp. He had been in full armour when they re-united on Haestrom, like the rest of the squad, so his new makeover was a surprising, and concerning, development for her.

"I _told_ you to try the face-paint, Garrus." Shepard quipped, his lips raised in a familiar smirk.

"And _I_ said I wanted to give you a fair shot with the ladies." Garrus shot back, flicking his eyes quickly over to Tali then back to Shepard.

Shepard stiffened slightly but Tali was still too shocked by Garrus' new visage to notice the Commander's odd reaction.

"Good to see you back aboard Tali, and yes, I do look even more ruggedly handsome then I did when we last talked. I assume that this" he indicated towards his bandaged mandible "little story is why Shepard asked me over?"

"I figured we all have our own stories now, wounds that need to heal. We've all been through our own personal hell and we all carry scars from it; some more than others." He shot, eliciting an amused grunt from the Turian, despite the sombre topic at hand.

"I just wanted to let you know that you're among friends. We're always here if you need to talk." Shepard continued, looking straight into her eyes, and his gaze promising exactly what he had stated. Garrus nodded his head in agreement, the same look in his eyes.

She was silent for a moment as she processed her friend's solemn offer, her gaze focused on her nervously wringing hands, before she raised her head to reply.

"Thank you, both of you. I'm alright; it's just… so much loss, for data about stars blowing up." She said quietly, shaking her head in sadness. Looking up at Shepard, she continued, "Was it worth it? Was it worth so much death?"

"I don't know Tali. I honestly hope it was but… I don't know." Shepard replied equally quietly, meeting her eyes. They held each other's gaze for another couple of moments before Garrus excused himself.

"I should probably get back to the Main Battery, still got some work to do before the new cannon installation. It's good to have you back Tali; and if you ever need to talk, well, you know where to find me. My door's always open for a friend."

With his departure, Shepard and Tali were left alone, watching the stars as the ship sped through their midst, obscured and warped by the roiling haze of the Mass Effect filed the ship was enveloped in.

After a couple of minutes, it was Shepard who broke the silent contemplation by addressing the Elcor in the room.

"I know this whole Cerberus situation is uncomfortable for you, it's certainly not my idea of an ideal situation either, but thank you, for trusting me."

"Of course I trust you Shepard, you did so much for me one the original _Normandy_, how could I not? If you say you're not working for Cerberus, then I believe you. And besides, I know you; I know you wouldn't even _consider_ working with them unless it was your only option. If you ever need me, I'll be there to help you." Tali replied without hesitation, the sincerity of the statement left in no doubt by the tone of her voice.

A small but bright smile cracked his features at her words. He couldn't help it, she sounded so much like how he remembered during the hunt for Saren; it was nice to know that not everything had changed, that not everything was completely screwed up after the last couple of years.

"That means a lot to me Tali, thank you; it's good to know I have some friends with me in all of this. And when you're ready to talk, I'll always be there to listen."

They continued to stare out at the shimmering void in front of them, sitting in a companionable silence. It was a solid ten minutes before Tali rose from her chair.

"I should probably get down to Engineering, I don't want the Chief Engineer to think I'm slacking." She said lightly as she turned towards the door, her usual enthusiasm largely back in place, though still tempered somewhat. "By the way, who is the Chief Engineer? I didn't see them when I went down earlier."

"Are you sure you want to start work already?" Shepard asked, ignoring her question in favour of focusing on his (not unreasonable) concern for her, considering all she had been through recently.

"I'm sure, it will be good to take my mind of things, even if only for a short while. Besides, you know how much I hate having nothing to do." She replied and Shepard just knew she was smirking under that helmet of hers. He chuckled at the memory of how exasperated she had become when she had first run out of things to do on the SR-1.

"That I do. In that case, how about I go down with you and introduce you to the team?"

Tali nodded and they both made their way down to Deck 4.

* * *

"Tali, allow me to introduce you to Ken Donnelly and Gabby Daniels, Power and Propulsion specialists respectively. They've been taking care of the _Normandy_ since it left dock." Shepard said, gesturing to the pair of expert engineers/unintentionally comic duo in question.

"Ma'am, it's an honour to meet you." Gabby said formally as she stood rigidly at attention.

"Good to meet ya girly. You gonna be slummin' it down here with us then?" Ken greeted, rather less formally.

"Kenneth! Show some respect!" Gabby whispered viciously as she jabbed him in the ribs.

"Relax girl, she's just another grease monkey like us, not our new overlord or somesuch, right Tali?"

While they bickered in the background, John took the opportunity to fill Tali in on their history.

"I think you'll get along quite well with them; well, at least with Gabby. They were both serving on the _SSV Perugia_ during the Battle of the Citadel, so they're well aware of the Reaper threat. They both joined up when they heard about what Cerberus was trying to do, so I don't think you'll have to worry about dealing with hardcore Cerberus operatives or anything; these two are about as close to being Cerberus die-hards as Joker or Chakwas." Shepard explained, shaking his head in mild exasperation as Ken let out another exclamation of pain.

"That's good to know, I wasn't really looking forward to working with Cerberus. But what about the Chief Engineer, surely they would be a Cerberus supporter?" Tali queried, still confused about who she would be reporting too; she had really missed working with Engineer Adams.

"I'm pretty certain she's not and I think you'll like her." Shepard said with a knowing smirk before getting Ken and Gabby's attention again.

"Ken, Gabby, meet your new overlord; Chief Engineer Tali'Zorah vas Neema."

Ken's face blanched slightly as his mouth fell open, shocked by his sudden change in circumstances. Tali whirled to face Shepard in surprise at his announcement. Only Gabby seemed unfazed by the news, crisply saluting her new superior.

"Shepard! Are you sure! I mean, I'm just a-" Tali began, surprise clearly evident in her voice.

Shepard cut her off before she could get started.

"Tali, I'm sure. You know more about taking care of a ship than anyone I've ever met and you've forgotten more about the SR-1 than most of her designers ever learned. There's no one I'd trust more to keep the _Normandy_ in top shape."

Unable to think of something to say, she simply nodded her head emphatically as a sign of acceptance.

"If you're feeling up to it, Garrus and I were going to grab some drinks in my cabin at 2200 hours and you're more than welcome to join us. I know you might not feel up to it at the moment, but trust me, it can help."

Tali seemed to contemplate the offer for a moment, before nodding her head again.

"I'd like that; I'll be there."

"Glad to hear it, my cabin's on Deck 1. I'll let you organise your troops, Chief; see you at 2200."

* * *

Tali had spent the past two and a half hours pouring over the SR-2's specifications and familiarising herself with the work Ken and Gabby had done up to this point.

As much as she hated to admit it, Cerberus had done a fantastic job when they built the new _Normandy_.

Every single aspect of its predecessor was upgraded in some way, even its revolutionary Tantalus Drive Core; the upshot was that it was no longer a Stealth/Reconnaissance frigate, now it was heavy-hitting combat frigate that just happened to be impossibly fast and invisible to normal sensors.

Serving on the SR-1 had been a dream come true but serving on the SR-2 might just be heaven for her, even including the Cerberus link.

When Shepard had told her she was going to be the Chief Engineer she had barely managed to stop herself from wrapping her arms around him in a bone-crushing hug that would make Wrex proud (an urge she had admittedly been fighting since he showed up on Freedom's Progress, but managed to restrain herself).

He might not think much of the gesture but it would have been hugely unprofessional, even if they were friends; plus she wasn't sure if she would have ever let go.

That damn crush was still affecting her; even him being dead for two years hadn't managed to stop it from rushing straight back when she saw him again. And he had to go and save her life again (twice!) and give her the post of Chief Engineer on the most amazing ship she had ever set foot on; damn him, the bosh'tet, he wasn't helping!

Her internal conflict continued to rage in her head as she left Engineering and entered the elevator.

'He's just my friend, that's all he'll ever be. But maybe if I do a good enough job as Chief Engineer he might consider… No, don't be stupid, he only see's you as a friend, can only see you as a friend. Besides, he's never shown any interest in any of his crew before, not Ashley or even Liara, and even if he did he would surely go for that Cerberus bosh'tet of an XO he has now; her suit's tighter than mine! Why am I jealous of her? I have no reason to be jealous, it's not like he'd even consider me in the first place, I'm just his friend. But the way he looked at me when he tried to comfort me about Haestrom… No, I'm not doing this to myself, I just need to accept I can only ever be a friend to him. Ugh, damn this crush…and it _is_ just a crush; definitely just a crush…'

She tried to wrap her thoughts up and focus on the task at hand when she finally noticed she had been standing in an open elevator waiting for her to exit onto Deck 1 for the better part of a minute.

Already cursing her foolishness she began wringing her hands together nervously as she approached the door, unsure of exactly where his cabin was on this deck as she hadn't been shown any part of it on the tour.

Stepping through the door, she was completely unprepared for the sight before her.

A sizeable cabin stretched away from the door, with a large double bed at the far end and an eight-seater lounge and office space to the right. As if the sight could be any stranger for a military vessel, a good portion of the left wall was an aquarium! She stared in shock as her mind realised that _this_ must be Shepard's cabin and tried to process the extravagance on display in front of her.

A familiar voice rocked her from her stupor as she noticed Shepard reclining on the lounge with a datapad in hand.

"Glad you could make it Tali. Take a seat, Garrus should be up any minute with the drinks." He said before he noticed her staring wide-eyed at the cabin. "Oh, yeah… I probably should have mentioned that my cabin _is_ Deck 1," he said, rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly, "I don't have the slightest clue what Cerberus was thinking when they added an aquarium or lounge suite to a warship but I've just added it to a long list of things that I'll never understand about them."

She didn't respond and just sat down on the couch in silence, still staring at the room around her.

Deciding that this was starting to get slightly awkward, he broke the ice with a question that he knew would get her talking.

"So, how's the new _Normandy_ treating you? From what I understand, she's pretty much a straight upgrade over the SR-1."

Finally snapping out of her gawking, she began to explain all of the new features with wide-eyed excitement. She was only interrupted halfway through gushing over the improved IES systems when Garrus walked through the door and deposited couple of bags of snacks and some drinks on the table before dropping into the Turian recliner in front of it.

"Shepard, here's your usual," he said as he slid the can and a bag of some type of colourful food over to him before turning to her, "Sorry Tali, I wasn't sure if you would want much but I got you a tube of nutrient paste and a couple of sealed drinks, take your pick. So, what were we talking about?"

"Tali was just gracing me with an explanation of the SR-2's enhanced Stealth Systems." Shepard replied as he cracked open his can.

"Riiiight, and you were just nodding along and pretending you understood?" Garrus drawled, mandibles flaring in amusement.

"No, Tali's been a very patient and articulate teacher." He shot back defensively as he glared at the smart-ass Turian.

"I wonder why that is…" Garrus muttered as he shot a glance between the two.

Shepard rolled his eyes and ignored the implication before making his own jab.

"Besides, I'm not technologically illiterate; I bet I know more about those Thanix Cannons you want to install than you do."

"Hah, you just keep thinking that Shepard; maybe one day it will magically come true." Garrus chuckled dismissively, already falling into the familiar routine of quips and counters.

They continued to trade barbs back and forth while Tali relaxed on the couch and sipped her drink, adding her own sharp tongue to the argument on occasion (usually in support of Shepard, much to Garrus' combined amusement and exasperation).

They talked into the night and Tali couldn't help but feel as though she was back on the original _Normandy_, after they'd stopped Sovereign. It's almost as if the intervening two years had never happened or had been some terrible dream that she was finally waking up from; and one that she hoped she'd never have again.

* * *

**[AN: So there you are, I hope you liked my take on the events.**

**If you have any questions, just ask, and I would love whatever feedback you have.**

**If you're interested, stay tuned for the next chapter, which should be up in a couple of days, if not sooner.**

**Thanks for reading! /AN]**


	2. Gifts

**Disclaimer: **I do not own or make any claim to the Mass Effect universe or the characters contained in this story, all of which are owned by BioWare and Electronic Arts. This is simply my interpretation of some events within the game universe.

**[AN: Before I say anything else I would like to sincerely apologise for the delay. **

**It was not my intention for things to take this long, but I ran into some unexpected technical difficulties over the course of the week. As such, instead of having this chapter posted in a couple of days, it has taken this long and I have been unable to respond to reviews.**

**On that note, thankyou so much for all of the reviews! Ten reviews for the first chapter is unprecedented for me, so thanks for all of your feedback.**

**I will endeavour to reply to all of the reviews that I am able to, as soon as possible./AN]**

* * *

**_Normandy _****SR-2, Serpent Nebula (December 7, 2185, 1125 hours, Ship Time):**

Tali was pleased with herself as she removed the OSD from her private terminal; she had finally finished her gift for Shepard.

Admittedly, it hadn't taken long to create it at its most basic form, but she had spent weeks making sure it was perfect for him on top of the weeks of research into what would be the best option for him.

It wouldn't help anyone if it wasn't functional now, would it?

But she had finally done it; all she had to do now was give it to him… and hope he liked it.

Figuring he was most likely in his cabin, Tali hopped in the elevator and waited for it to make its ascent to Deck 1, twirling the OSD nervously between her three digits. As she suspected, Shepard was in his cabin, doing some maintenance on the ridiculous, if intriguing, wall-mounted aquarium that dominated the room.

Shepard's head snapped towards the door when it hissed open, but he visibly relaxed when he recognised Tali.

"Hey Tali, did you want to talk about something? Just let me dry off first…" He said as he extricated his arms and snatched up a nearby towel to dry them.

"No, well, kind of… I wanted to give you something actually." Tali said with her hands, and OSD, clenched firmly behind her back in an effort to halt her tell-tale nervous habit.

"Oh?" Shepard quirked an eyebrow, "And what would that be?"

"Well, after we talked on Freedom's Progress and you said that you had lost your old Combat Knife when the _Normandy_ was destroyed, I-I had an idea. And then you showed me your omni-tools and amp upgrades and it gave me an idea for the first idea and you had given me so much when we were chasing Saren and then again with everything on Freedom's Progress and Haestrom and-" Tali stopped mid-sentence, realising she was babbling again. She dropped her head in shame and held out the OSD, "Here, just take it."

Taking the disk carefully from her, he inspected it in the light of his cabin before slotting it into his terminal, which automatically synced the file to his omni-tool.

"Uh, okay, what now?" he asked, slightly confused as to exactly what this file was.

"Open the file and run the program. Oh! And make sure you're not connected to any fabricating suites; at least not yet…" She trailed off again, averting her eyes from his questioning gaze.

Now very curious (and slightly concerned) about this file, John did as instructed. Almost immediately, the holographic image of his omni-tool changed into a tight gauntlet that covered the length of his forearm and hand, composed primarily of three large, overlapping holographic plates. Holding his arm up to the light to take a closer look at the new appearance, he turned his arm around a couple of times, admiring the detail in the gauntlet.

"Now clench your fist." Tali instructed, watching him carefully as he examined every facet and individual plate.

Doing as instructed, Shepard was shocked when a broad orange blade rapidly extended out from the gauntlet, only stopping when it had extended to almost two feet in length.

Shepard just nodded his head appreciatively as he surveyed the weapon.

"Now unclench your fist." Tali instructed, still watching his reactions carefully.

Doing so, Shepard watched as the blade immediately began to retract and fold back upon itself until it rested comfortably in a groove on top of the gauntlet. Experimentally clenching his fist again, the blade flipped out and extended to its original state, before collapsing back again when he opened his hand.

He went to run his hand along the blade's surface, but instead his hand passed clean through it.

Before he could ask, Tali was already explaining.

"This is just the holographic overlay; you'd need to attach a fabrication suite to produce the actual blade. I figured it would be safer at first without the real thing."

"Smart move," Shepard chuckled to himself, before turning his attention back to his Quarian friend.

"Okay Tali, do you want to run me through all of this? I'm guessing it's an omni-blade template, but I haven't seen anything like this one before."

"Well, it's sort of one-of-a-kind… I've been working on it since I met you again on Freedom's Progress. I know how much time you spend in close quarters and how much your old knife meant to you, so I thought that, maybe, I could make something that would help replace it. I know it won't hold the same meaning for you but I hoped you might like it or that it might be useful somehow…" She trailed off, unsure of herself when the expected interruption of her rambling didn't come.

Shepard was staring mutely at her while his mind raced in an effort to process everything.

'She created this entire thing for me because she remembered that my old knife held some sentimental value for me? I only mentioned in passing that it must have been destroyed along with the _Normandy_, but two years on and she still remembered exactly what it had meant to me; she really hasn't changed all that much, has she? I wonder if maybe… No, she's just being a good friend. She always was a sweet, kind, empathetic woman; she'd probably do the same for Garrus if a similar thing happened to him. She's just being a good friend, I need to stop trying to read into her actions so much.'

Pushing his thoughts to the back of his mind, Shepard was confronted by a more immediate issue; the realisation that he had been staring slack-jawed at her without a responding for almost a minute.

He hurriedly closed his mouth and tried to put some of his thoughts to word.

"So you made this entire thing from scratch? Tali, this is… this is one of the most thoughtful and ingenious gifts I've ever received, and coming from you, well that just makes it even better. Now, do you want to explain all the features to me? Because knowing you, this thing will do way more than just have a blade the pops up when I make a fist."

Tali was overjoyed when he finally spoke, completely forgetting the awkward silence that had preceded it.

'He likes it! He really likes it! And he likes it because I gave it to him! Maybe he actually- No! No, I've already been over this, it just means he sees me as a good friend, which we are. And I should be happy with a platonic friendship; there aren't many other people he trusts, afterall. And besides, he would never consider me as anything more than a friend anyway…'

Snapping back to reality she immediately set about explaining the various features she had added in; the blade's extra thickness and self sharpening, mono-molecular edge so it could last longer in combat, the gauntlet plating that made it harder for things, specifically Husks, to grab onto his arm, and her favourite part, its dual nature and capacity to alternate the blade position, from fully extended to the front, to partially extended out beyond his elbow, all with only a thought.

They began practising with the new blades only fifteen minutes later.

* * *

To say Shepard was pleased with his new weapons was an understatement; they were effortless to swing and their manoeuvrability was tied directly to his forearm, allowing for wide, sweeping slashes and deep stabs. He could see all the little details and ideas that Tali had put in to the design in response to the ever-present possibility of Husks; a fact he was more than a little thankful for.

In fact, the level of thought and detail that must have gone into the design was staggering. The length was perfect, just right for maximum reach without adversely hindering its range of motion in tight areas, and the fluidity of control he had over the blades' retraction and position shifting was phenomenal.

The other surprise was how quickly he was getting used to using them; dual forearm-mounted blades weren't really a category of weaponry that he was taught to use, even in his extensive ICT courses. In fact, the most helpful style so far had been Escrima, with its fluid and varied approach to weaponry.

These would never be something he would rely on it a gun fight, but for quietly eliminating a target or dealing with a horde of husks without burning through Thermal Clips, these omni-blades were perfect.

Defensively, the blades were rather unhelpful due to the lack of fine control in positioning the blades across his body, but they made up for that with brutal effectiveness in offence; so long as he kept moving and kept pressing on the enemy, there was little they could do to stop him.

As a result, he decided he should make some modifications to his current equipment so as to best utilise the new additions.

It was while Shepard was tinkering with his armour systems that he noticed he had been sadly neglecting an important part of his command; ensuring his team had the best gear available to them at all times. He had been so excited to have Tali back onboard that he had entirely forgotten to see what enhancements he could make to her equipment; it was a damn good thing they hadn't yet arrived at their next destination since the Haestrom mission.

Removing her equipment from her locker in the armoury, it became clear that she could seriously use the upgrades. She was still using the same familiar, heavily modified Avalanche model shotgun that he gave her during her work on the first _Normandy_; it was a great weapon at the time but it just couldn't keep up with the new Thermal Clip based weapons. Her side-arms were slightly more advanced, both being Thermal Clip based, but they were civilian models, and well worn at that. The M-3b variant of the Predator pistol just couldn't compete with military grade kinetic barriers or armour, and the M-4h version of the Shuriken was restricted to burst fire, severely limiting its effectiveness in combat.

That just wouldn't do.

Grabbing one of the spare M-5 Phalanx's Jacob kept ready and waiting, Shepard quickly stripped the weapon down and flicked open the overhead locker that housed most of the weapons mods.

He knew that this was technically Jacob's job, seeing as he was the Armoury Officer and all, but he knew Tali better than anyone else on the ship; her combat style, weapons preferences, mod load-outs. Plus, he didn't think she would accept any weapon that Jacob or Miranda had so much as looked at for more than ten seconds; it had been a challenge to get her to agree to store her gear in the Armoury in the first place.

Knowing that Tali would have her own specialised mods to add, he decided that he would give her the best frame to work with.

The first thing he did was ditch the standard heat-sink system and add in one of the prototype heat dissipating systems that Cerberus had provided them with. They functioned like a hybrid between the old Heat-Sink and the current Thermal Clip systems, allowing standard thermal clips to be used, while still letting some of the heat dissipate itself by redirecting it into a micro-array of coolant chambers inside the pistol's grip. In effect, it gave the Phalanx three to four more shots per thermal clip, which, when combined with the compact thermal clips they had access to, gave the Heavy Pistol a functioning shot count of 22 compared to its base of 12.

Moving away from the thermal systems, he next took a look at the Field Generator. A few tweaks and weapon-specific calibrations later and the rounds should fly straighter, faster and further than before; not by much, but every little bit helps in a fire fight.

Next, he replaced the standard lead-iron alloy with a Tungsten ammo block and discarded the old body-work, replacing it with a streamlined, light-weight Carbon-Titanium version that he and Jacob had collaboratively designed. He also removed the pre-moulded grip and replaced it with an adaptive polymer that would mould to Tali's unique hand.

Assembling the improved weapon, he balanced it in his hand to make sure the weight was acceptable. Nodding in satisfaction, he collapsed the weapon, laid it down on the side of the bench, grabbed an M-9 Tempest and began the process again.

…

The Tempest took a bit longer but he eventually finished decking it out with a similar set of mods to the Phalanx, with some extra additions due its larger frame. He left things likes sighting calibration and VI interfaces up to Tali, as that was largely up to personal preference, and he also made sure there was space for her to add her personal Disruptor and Phasic modifications, along with any other mods she might have discovered/developed in the past two years.

He was about to reach for an M-22 Eviscerator to replace her old Avalanche when something else caught his eye.

Sitting in the middle of the island workbench, rather inconspicuously, was the collapsed form of a Geth Plasma Shotgun; specifically, the one he had 'confiscated' from a Geth Hunter on Haestrom.

He had originally planned to get it cleaned up and ready for use, but Jacob didn't possess the necessary expertise to disassemble a Geth weapon without it frying itself, so Shepard had asked Mordin give it a once-over before getting Jacob to store it away.

And really, it was useless combat-wise in the long run, seeing as how it ran off an entirely different Thermal Clip system to the universal ones that the various organic races had all adopted. Plus, it was unlikely that it would accept any standard mods or ammo blocks, which would limit its utility in a pinch; and no one wanted to be lugging 5kg of dead weight around with them in combat.

It was a pity, really.

He had seen firsthand just how devastating the weapon could be. In many ways it was largely responsible for Tali still being alive at this very moment; the fight with the Colossus would have gone very differently without that Plasma Shotgun.

But of course, now that he thought about it, there _was _one member of his crew that knew Geth technology better than anyone else he had ever met, and if anyone could make it work long term, it would be her.

Besides, she could definitely use a new shotgun…

* * *

"Hey Tali, if you've got a minute, can you come up to the Armoury? I want to make sure your gear is all sorted before we hit our next destination." Shepard called into the intercom system.

They were still a day out from the barely explored system that Jacob had directed them to, but he needed to give her time to get used to her new gear.

Unsurprisingly, her response was almost instantaneous.

"Sure, I'll be there in a moment."

True to her word, she strode into the Armoury not two minutes later, though Shepard didn't miss the cautious glance around the room as the door first opened.

"Don't worry, I made sure Jacob was on his break before I asked you to come up here." Shepard said, with only the barest hint of a smirk showing his amusement.

Tali averted her gaze and managed a flustered response

"I wasn't, uh- it wasn't so much that, well- Oh fine! I don't trust him, he's Cerberus, and-"

Shepard cut her off before she could get started, having discussed their mutual unease about dealing with Cerberus a couple of times already.

"I get it Tali, really, I do, and I don't need you to become friends with him or anything, but I do need to know you'll watch his back in combat and that you'll trust him to watch yours, okay?"

Tali didn't say anything; instead she just nodded her head noncommittally.

Shepard sighed as he worked out what to say next. Loyal and fiery were good descriptors for Tali's personality (along with awkward and shy, strangely enough), and it made her an amazing friend, but damn stubborn in a debate.

"Look Tali, Jacob… he's a good man. He wants to do the right thing, to get the right result, but I think he made a mistake in turning to Cerberus and, from what I've gathered so far, he thinks he might have too. I don't trust The Illusive Man or Miranda, but I do believe they want me to destroy the Collectors, so they have a vested interest in keeping me alive. But I'd trust Jacob; that's why we're out in the middle of uncharted space right now, chasing a lead for him."

This time, it was Tali's turn to sigh.

"Alright, maybe I have been a bit unfair towards him; just because he's with Cerberus doesn't mean he _is_ Cerberus, just like Ken and Gabby."

"That's more like it! Besides, how can you _not_ like Jacob? Have you seen his workout routine?!"

Tali jumped and barely stopped herself from shrieking as the bubbly voice exploded right next to her helmet. Shepard just crossed his arms and shook his head.

"Kasumi, why do you keep doing that? Kelly nearly went into Cardiac Arrest the first time you did that to her."

"But it's so much fun Shep! You'd do it to if you had a cloak as good as mine, or any cloak for that matter."

Tali couldn't help but stare in shock as a small human woman appeared seemingly out of thin air right next to her, poking her tongue out at the Commander.

Another long-suffering sigh came from Shepard as he introduced the two.

"Kasumi, this is Tali, and old friend of mine, I'm sure you remember her from the mission to Haestrom and maybe vids from after the whole situation with Saren and Sovereign."

"Hiya Tali, Shep here talks about you all the time. I'm Kasumi Goto, master thief, amateur art critic and bestest girl friend that you'll find on this ship." The excitable young woman introduced herself as she held out a hand.

"Hi, it's, ah… nice to meet you." Tali replied numbly as she reflexively shook the proffered hand.

"I've got to run, but it was nice meeting you, Tali! See you around, Shep!" And with that, the hooded thief disappeared into the same thin air she had appeared from.

After a few moments of bewildered silence, Tali finally managed to process the strange encounter.

"Well that was…"

"… different? Yeah, Kasumi is, well, Kasumi. You get used to it eventually… mostly, at least."

After a few more moments of confused contemplation, she turned back to the Commander and brought their conversation back to its originally intended topic, sort off.

"So what was it about my equipment that you wanted to see, exactly? And what did Kasumi mean when she said you talk about me all the time?"

* * *

In hindsight, they couldn't have picked a better mission in which to test their new weaponry.

The Bulwark mechs, early model security bots made by Elkoss Combine over a decade ago, would have only just been a concern if they had of been fresh out of their boxes, but with ten years of wear-and-tear in a tropical environment, with no access to fresh spare parts, and they were little more than semi-mobile targets for Shepard's squad.

His new blades performed flawlessly as he bisected mechs with each swing of the blades, using his biotics and his armour's shields to get in close before decommissioning the mechs almost effortlessly.

Tali's newly acquired Plasma Shotgun was no less devastating, each blast of three pellets impacting with enough heat and force to burn straight through much of the body of each mech, and the Geth design had proven to be surprisingly (or perhaps not, all things considered) ergonomic for her Quarian physiology.

All in all they were both extremely pleased with their new gifts.

* * *

**[AN: Now this chapter may need a bit of explanation, but that's because it's based in my 'Redemption' series version of events, mainly my own head-cannoned background for Shepard. **

**If any of you read my story 'Redemption: Come What May' while I still had it up, then you might understand some of it.**

**Basically, his old knife was a gift he received on his 18th Birthday, just before joining the Marines, and it was the only usable piece of kit he had that survived Akuze. He'd kept it with him from then on in.**

**And for the Omni-blades, I wanted them to make an appearance earlier in the series than shown in the games, particularly because their codex entry says that the tech had been around for almost as long as the Omni-tool itself.**

**If you want a vague idea of how they would function, check out the Dual blades used by Adam Jensen in the game Deus Ex: Human Revolution. It's not quite the same, but it was part of the inspiration.**

**As usual, feedback and questions are welcome and I will actually reply to them this time.**

**I also hope to have the next chapter up soon, perhaps tomorrow, assuming I have no more technical difficulties.**

**Thanks again!**


	3. Confessions

**Disclaimer: **I do not own or make any claim to the Mass Effect universe or the characters contained in this story, all of which are owned by BioWare and Electronic Arts. This is simply my interpretation of some events within the game universe.

* * *

**_Normandy _****SR-2, Tasale System (December 17, 2185, 0245 hours, Ship Time):**

Tali gazed unseeingly at the thrumming Drive Core.

She was currently off-duty, she had been ever since the harrowing events of her return to the Migrant Fleet, but she liked Engineering and often came here to think, mesmerised by the rapidly vibrating core.

And while it was an impressive sight, what she really liked was the sound, it was a sound she could _feel_, even through her suit. It was about as close to real tactile sensation as she could get and so she relished the feel of the harmonious vibrations running through the floor, the railings, the very air and entering her core, bypassing her suit as if it wasn't even there. And the deep, near-subsonic pulses that accompanied it created a familiar soundtrack that always helped soothe her mind and help her think.

At the moment, she was thinking about the events of her trial, as she had been for the last couple of days; replaying the events over and over in her head.

Those couple of hours had been the most emotionally intense and complex of her life; worse than listening powerlessly as her team was slaughtered on Haestrom, worse than watching her mother fade away as her body failed to fight of its microscopic invaders, even worse than experiencing the first _Normandy_ being destroyed and Shepard with it.

Anger, Grief, Hatred, Despair, Fear, Betrayal, Isolation; she had felt it all.

And reliving the memories brought it all back.

Each time she played through the events in her head though, the pain in her core subsided ever so slightly. After two days it had gone from a crippling, indescribable pain threatening to choke the air out of her throat, to a painful ache, blunted somewhat by her growing acceptance of what had transpired.

She had wanted to get back to work immediately, to lose herself in technical readouts, minor repair jobs and 'The Mission'.

But Shepard wouldn't let her.

He saw straight through her brave face (well, mask) and knew she was hurting deeply, so he barred her from doing any work for the foreseeable future. Naturally, she had ignored him completely and tried to run a basic diagnostic on the state of the IES systems.

In the two minutes it took for the program to initialise, she found herself already lost in the replaying Nightmare that was their assault on the _Alarei_.

When Shepard found her staring blankly at the monitor in front of her, he hadn't admonished or reprimanded her, instead he guided her to Kasumi's 'Room' and stayed with her until Kasumi could assure him that she would take care of her.

Ever since then , she had been trying to process the events of that day, letting them play over and over again in her head, and letting the painful emotions fade slowly.

There was one feeling, one emotion that grew stronger each time, however.

Love.

Not the romantic kind, as much as she might wish, but the love of her friends.

Ken and Gabby trying to reassure her as they went to rendezvous with the Flotilla.

Kasumi trying to buoy her spirits with light hearted jokes and offering a willing ear and shoulder to cry on.

Joker and even EDI offering words of support and encouragement as she entered the airlock, even if Joker's attempts had been in the form of questionable jokes.

Kal and Veetor coming to offer her support and help however they could.

Garrus fighting beside her on the _Alarei_, then breaking from his usually stoic nature and attempting to console her after she found her Father's body.

Dr Chakwas patching her suit and cleaning the wound on her arm, all the while offering soothing words and letting her pour out her grief, reminding her so much of Auntie Raan.

Even Miranda had been much less cold towards her in the days since.

And Shepard, Shepard was there the whole time, doing everything in his power to help her: dropping everything and heading immediately to the fleet, then standing as her representative and defending her against the charge of Treason, simply because he trusted her; fighting through a ghost ship swarming with Geth and dead Quarian; letting her yell and scream at him because he dared to ask whether a suicidal war against the Geth was really the best option for her people, holding her as she sobbed into his chest, lamenting her Father and his schemes; yelling down the Admirals for using her as a pawn in their power plays.

He had stood defending her from everything thrown her way, whether it was bullets or accusations and then given her the time and space to grieve and recover.

How he managed to shoulder the burdens of every member of the crew had never ceased to amaze her; he had been doing it for as long as she had known him. And not just his crew either, but everyone he ever crossed paths with, Keelah she was just a stranger in trouble when they first met!

And once again he had taken her burden and placed it on himself.

Finding a strange comfort in the memories, she thought back to finding the body of her father and remembered how he had held her, allowing all of the anger and pain and grief flow out of her. She couldn't remember ever feeling so comforted or secure, not even with her own father.

She tried to ignore the feelings and thoughts that the memory stirred up but every time she tried to remember something else, it inevitably involved Shepard, which then led her back to how she had felt in his embrace.

She had experienced these kinds of feelings before, back on the original _Normandy _and half the times she spoke with him now, but she had always been able to rationalise them away, telling herself that she was being childish or a fool, that he could never feel the same way, that she didn't, _couldn't_, deserve him.

But now every time she tried to purge the thoughts, all she could think about was wanting to feel that comfort and security again, and that even the slightest chance of experiencing that again would be worth the pain of rejection.

She quickly activated the intercom on the wall before she could talk herself out of it.

* * *

"Commander, can I speak with you, in your Cabin?" Tali's voice chimed over the intercom.

Shepard immediately knew something was wrong; she almost never called him 'Commander' anymore. Covering up his concern, he keyed the button and replied.

"Sure, I'm not doing anything important now, come up whenever you're free."

Releasing the button, he dropped back down onto the couch, puzzling over her behaviour.

'I hope it's not anything to do with that Trial, she's suffered enough' he thought to himself.

"Okay, I'll, ah, be there in a minute."

This time, Shepard thought he could pick out a distinct hint of apprehension and that made him even more concerned. He sat down, considering what could possibly make her so worried.

Three minutes later the door to his cabin slid open, revealing the silhouetted form of his Chief Engineer. Shepard could see that she was wringing her hands, confirming his suspicion that she was quite nervous.

"Tali, come in" he waved her over to the lounge, "What did you want to speak to me about? You sounded nervous over the comm." He said, his expression clearly expressing his own concern for her.

Tali was one of his closest friends and most trusted companions, along with Garrus. All three of them had seen a lot of combat and had saved each other's lives more times than they could count, and as a result they had an implicit trust in each other that went deeper than normal bonds of friendship. As such, it was always a worry when one of them would become apprehensive about discussing a topic.

"Oh you noticed, did you? Of course you did…" she trailed off quietly as she cautiously lowered herself onto the couch.

"Tali, if there's something wrong you kn- "Shepard began to say before she hurriedly interrupted him.

"Oh, no, no there's nothing wrong, it's just something that I've been meaning to talk to you about, but I never know what to say, and whenever I try I feel stupid so I put it off and now I'm babbling again, Keelah..." Her shoulders slumped and head dropped as he voice trailed off once more.

"Is this about the Trial? Is the Admiralty Board giving you any more grief about your father's work?" Shepard was starting to get confused; he hadn't seen her this flustered since he let her use the Geth data they had captured for her Pilgrimage Gift.

"No no, it's not about the tr- well that's part of it, but it has nothing to do with the Admirals, or Father." She was talking very fast now, clearly struggling with whatever the subject at hand was, "It's be- no, no, ah, I just wan- no that's not right. Um, you nee-"

"Tali, _Tali_, slow down" Shepard interrupted her again, this time placing both hands on her shoulders as if to trying to physically halt the rapidly increasing pace of her speech. "You know you can tell me anything, whatever it is," He stared straight into her eyes, ignoring the visor that hid her face from the world. He felt her take a deep breath, her shoulders rising slightly as the air entered her lungs.

"Okay," her voice had returned to its usual speed and tone and she was looking straight back into his eyes. "Shepard, I- I think I've been developing, ah, feelings for you, I… I think I love you."

Shepard's mouth hung slightly agape. He removed his hands from Tali's shoulders and slumped back into his seat.

"You have feelings … for me?" he asked, more to himself than Tali, "I never thought- I mean, I knew you had a bit of a crush on me back when we were fighting Saren, but I figured it was just a crush, and that you would have got over it by now."

Tali, misinterpreting what he was saying, could feel tears welling in her eyes.

"I-I'm sorry, I knew this was a bad idea, I shouldn't have come up here." She stood and quickly made her way to the elevator, not wishing to compound her embarrassment at being told that her feeling meant no more to him than a childish crush, by crying in front of him again.

Realising how that must have sounded to her, Shepard quickly jumped up out of his seat and caught her before she reached the door.

"No, Tali, I didn't mean it like that, I just didn't think that you ever felt anything more than that…about me. Why did you wait so long to tell me?"

Turning around to face the man in question, Tali tried to formulate a response, still torn between fleeing from him and pleading with him.

"Well, I-I guess I didn't know what to say. I don't even think I knew what I was feeling, at least not until the trial. And we're friends, I didn't want to ruin that by adding my feeling into the equation; your friendship was too valuable to risk on the stupid hope that you might feel something for me, beyond friendship." She was gesticulating strongly, trying to make sure her points came across.

"Okay, but there's more to this, isn't there?" Shepard could tell she was hiding something. The points she brought up explained a lot, but it wasn't the core issue. She'd been expecting to get rejected; he wanted to know why she thought that was the most likely outcome.

Her hands dropped to her waist and she started wringing them furiously once more as her eyes fell towards the ground.

"You deserve to be with someone who can make you happy. I can't do that, no matter how much I want to. You can't even see my face or touch my skin, let alone kiss me or- or more… "

Shepard began to chuckle softly to himself, a chuckle which slowly built up to a full laugh. Tali stared at him, partly confused, partly hurt by his reaction. She was about to turn and leave again but Shepard corrected himself more quickly this time.

"I'm sorry, I wasn't laughing at you," he motioned for her to stay seated and to hear him out, "I was laughing at myself, at what an idiot I've been. Here we are, both too afraid to tell the other what we feel because we don't believe we're good enough for them, that they deserve someone better." He shook his head at the nature of his own worries, and how ridiculous they seemed now.

Tali bolted upright, her luminescent eyes growing wide in surprise.

"Wait, y-you mean you feel the same way… about me? Even with…" she gestured at her suit "this?"

"Of course I do Tali, how could I not?" He said as he gazed at her, his suppressed affection finally being admitted, "I love you because you are the most selfless person I know, the most gifted engineer I know, the most energetic and caring person I know, and the most loyal and trustworthy friend I have. You have trusted and supported me in everything, even now when I'm working with Cerberus, when even Kaidan and the Alliance rejected me. I've never cared about what was beneath your suit or if I would ever get to see your face, all I care about is you; you make me happy, you're a reason worth fighting for. I just never thought you could love me."

This time it was Tali's turn to stare in shock.

"After everything you said at the trial, I didn't think that I would _ever_ hear anyone speak about me in a way that could make me feel even better, but what you just said… And you said that you _love_ me? You really meant that?" She asked, almost incapable of accepting what he had just said.

"Yes Tali, I meant it; I love you. I think I have for a while now, really." He said as a small, slightly downturned, smile began to tug at his lips.

"Oh Keelah, you have no idea what that- what that means to me. Thank you." Her head fell backward resting on the top of the lounge.

A few seconds later her head snapped up again, staring at Shepard with concern evident through her body language.

"Wait, what do you mean that, I could never love you?"

Shepard sighed, looking down towards the floor dejectedly.

"I'm damaged goods Tali, after Akuze… it broke me. PTSD, it's not pretty. I was a wreck after Akuze, so I committed myself to becoming a soldier, a better soldier; and now that's all I know how to do. I always figured that I was too far gone for anyone to care about me, especially now that Cerberus has reconstructed me, hell I don't even know if I'm still 'Commander Shepard'."

Tali reached over and placed a gloved hand on the side of his face in a gentle caress as he met her gaze.

"Shepard, believe me when I say that _you _are the most caring, selfless and compassionate person I have ever met. I watched your face when Chief Williams died on Virmire, and I saw how you risked your own life to save the colonists of Zhu's Hope. I saw you fight your way to Joker when the first _Normandy_ was destroyed, to make sure that he survived even though it cost you everything. I know how you've helped everyone aboard the _Normandy_, how you stood in front of Sidonis, stopping Garrus from killing him, because you knew he would regret it later. And most of all, you treated me as an equal when you first met me. You didn't care that I was a Quarian, in fact you showed more interest in my people than anyone else ever has. You didn't treat me like a beggar or a criminal or an inconvenience, you let me help you face the greatest threat the Galaxy has ever seen and you trusted me with your very life and your ship. You always go above and beyond to help other people even when you don't know them or have any reason to care. Everyone can see that and everyone respects you for it. That's why we're all here, following you to fight the Collectors." Her voice had become more emphatic as she spoke, straining to try and make him understand the truth of what she was saying.

John blinked in surprise at the praise that had just flowed from the young Quarian woman in front of him, before replying in an abnormally quiet tone.

"I had no idea that you saw me that way, that anybody saw me that way."

"We do, _I_ do, and I always will. But, if I may ask, how do you do it? How do you carry so many burdens and still keep going?" it was a question that had nagged at her for years, ever since she first met him, and now she just had to know.

His response was a hollow, mirthless chuckle that seemed so out of place coming from his mouth.

"When you've already been ground down to dust and there's nothing left to break, then you can carry any burden, any weight, and match any challenge. You just need to be willing to lose yourself in the process."

Tali was stunned into silence by the implications of that statement. She knew that he had been through a lot of pain and suffering, but she never would have thought it was this bad; he had such a strong, indomitable presence. Then it hit her that she might be the first person in a very long time to actually see Shepard like this, without the armour or the mask; she almost laughed at the irony.

"Well then, I guess I will just have to help you find yourself again. I'll always be here for you, John, and I'll help you carry your burdens; whether you want me to or not."

The Commander couldn't help but look at her in surprise, he knew she was a loyal friend, but he hadn't expected such an unreserved offer on her part, or for her to use his given name; it was… nice to hear someone use it again.

"Thank you, Tali. That means a lot to me, more than I can ever say. You're sure about this, though?"

"Completely. I guess we both needed to talk." Tali replied, sounding far more like her usual self than when she had first arrived.

They both reclined on the lounge suite as a comfortable silence descended, happy just to be in such close proximity now that they knew how the other felt.

A few minutes later and the silence was broken by the sound of a gloved hand slapping a visor and an exasperated sigh.

"Oh Keelah, when Garrus and Joker find out about this, we will _never_ hear the end of it." Tali groaned as she sat upright on the couch, her head cradled in her hands.

Shepard couldn't help but laugh at the simple truth.

"I think I can live with that; what about you, Miss vas Normandy?" He asked with a smirk.

"Hmmm, I think I can find a way to cope." She murmured as she settled herself back into his arms.

* * *

**[AN: So here is the main chapter of this fic, where their relationship takes on a romantic aspect.**

**I'd love feedback on, well, any and everything, really. there's a lot of stuff in this chapter and I'm not sure about how well I did everything as a result, so any and all feedback is appreciated.**

**There are two more chapters to come, but they will be coming in a couple of days each, as I have a couple of other stories I need to work on, but this story should be completed by, at the latest, early next week. **

**And if you want a pseudo-epilogue of sorts for this arc, then check out my fic 'Explanations', which was originally a continuation of this arc, but which I decided to post as my first fic on this site to see what people thought of it.**

**Thanks for reading, and I hoped you enjoyed the chapter!/AN]**


	4. Concerns

**Disclaimer: **I do not own or make any claim to the Mass Effect universe or the characters contained in this story, all of which are owned by BioWare and Electronic Arts. This is simply my interpretation of some events within the game universe.

**Guest Review Segment:**

**{ Andrew Roberts: **

**Thanks for your review, you bring up some very valid points. **

**On the first point, I tried to strike a balance but I am aware it may not have been as successful as I had hoped; I will continue to see if I can make improvements to that segment, but I can't promise anything. **

**As for the second point, a lot of their friendship is assumed from ME1, but I also want to keep it as a major and grounding aspect of their romantic relationship rather than have it instantly shift to pure romance. **

**Also, this arc was taken from a much larger story I had planned and I never got around to writing a lot of the character interaction that I had planned, instead I had major events, like the chapters in this story. I tried to minimise this flaw was much as possible, but I understand if that didn't work to well.**

**I apologise if you found the description to be misleading, it was not my intent, but I am glad you are enjoying the story so far and I hope the remaining chapters continue in that vein. }**

* * *

**_Normandy _****SR-2, Tasale System (December 17, 2185, 0935 hours, Ship Time):**

Tali awoke some hours later in what was definitely not her sleeper pod. She quickly blinked away the last of the fog that was receding from her mind as she sat up and looked around.

She was lying on Shepard's bed, the cool blue light of the wall length aquarium illuminating the cabin, sending ripples of soft illumination throughout the room and across the walls. She could also clearly make out some music through her helmet's auditory systems. She had never heard anything like it, full of haunting tones, deep percussion and a human voice that was acting as another instrument, using words that her translator couldn't decipher.

She sat up, crossed legged on the bed, taking in her surroundings.

_ '__Wait'_, she thought to herself_ 'if this is Shepard's cabin, then where is he?'_

A quick scan revealed him sleeping upright on the lounge. Precisely why he was there was a mystery to her, as was how she had ended up in his bed rather than he himself.

Deciding that it was best not to wake him she rose off the bed and began to walk up the stairs to the door. As she did so however, Shepard began to stir. Taking a seat on the lounge as he stretched and began to open his eyes, she waited for him to fully wake up.

"Hey" she said quietly by way of greeting, hands fidgeting in her lap.

"Hey" Shepard replied, rubbing his eyes to clear them of sleep, "I hope you slept well."

"Yes, your bed is very comfortable, though I'm not quite sure why _I_ was there and _you_ were sleeping here. I don't snore do I?" She asked light-heartedly.

"Well, actually…" he replied, a mischievous, if still tired, smile on his face.

Tali slapped him lightly on the arm with a muttered curse of "Bosh'tet".

"I surrender, I surrender" Shepard pleaded, holding up his hands in mock defeat. "Okay, on a more serious note, you fell asleep, so I carried you over to the bed. I figured you could use the sleep after all that's happened the last couple of days."

"You're right, I think I did need the sleep, but why did you sleep on the couch?" Tali asked slowly, genuinely perplexed.

"Well I, um, wasn't exactly sure if you would mind. I didn't want to make you uncomfortable."

"And what part of me coming to your cabin and telling you that I love you, then falling asleep in your arms gave you the impression that I would mind?" Tali replied, her voice practically dripping with irony. She was enjoying him acting like a fool around her rather than the other way around, for a change.

Shepard could only rub his neck sheepishly in response.

"I guess I didn't think about it like that. Still, I didn't want to risk getting on the wrong side of your shotgun, or Chiktikka, that drone has some punch!"

Tali smirked at the comment and even with the mask in the way, she knew he could tell.

"Smart move, though I usually reserve the shotgun for that Turian bosh'tet you insist on keeping down in the main battery."

Shepard couldn't help but laugh at the mental image of Garrus, the Archangel of Omega, running scared as a Quarian mechanic with a shotgun chased him around the _Normandy_.

Once again they settled into a comfortable silence, simply enjoying each other's company. Eventually Shepard shifted and began to rise.

"I should probably get back to work, we're docking in Illium soon and I need to review the dossiers for our last two recruits and make sure everyone else is Mission Ready. You're welcome to stay here for as long as you want, I'll let EDI know that you can have free access to this place if you ever want to use it. Just tell me when you're ready to return to work and I'll put you back on the duty roster."

"Actually, I think I'm ready now." Tali replied almost immediately, standing up to follow him.

"Are you sure? I mean I'd understand if you wanted more time. Losing your father, the trial… it can't have been easy on you. You deserved better." His voice was loaded with concern and what sounded to Tali like anguish, anguish at the thought of what she had been subjected to; she had no idea it had affected him this much, caught up as she was in her own grief.

With equally as much emotion behind the words she replied.

"I got better, I got you."

* * *

As Shepard entered the cockpit he could see Garrus and Joker arguing about something. So animated was their debate that they hadn't even realised Shepard was approaching.

"… we don't know for sure yet and until we do, I'm not paying." Shepard managed to make out the tail end of what Joker was saying before the pair finally realised that he was present.

"Ah, Commander, good to see you." Came Garrus' welcome, as he shifted nervously from foot to foot.

"Hey Commander, hope you had a good rest." Joker added in as he spun his chair around.

If Garrus' behaviour had seemed suspicious, then Joker's was like a signal flare. Now Shepard knew something was up, Joker never missed an opportunity for a snarky comment; and there was always an opportunity.

Shepard waved away their greetings and got to the heart of the matter.

"Spare me the platitudes, what were you two old women bickering about this time?"

"What, oh, nothing, nothing important, just, ah, sports results. Right, Garrus?"

Garrus was keeping his lips (metaphorically speaking) firmly sealed but nodded his assent.

"Right, then why is it that I just don't believe you?" Shepard folded his arms, staring down at his helmsman.

Before Joker could once again protest his innocence, Kasumi materialised next to the group. Joker nearly snapped an arm, recoiling as he did and Garrus practically fell over the Navigator's chair.

"What, no reaction from you Shep? That's no fun.." She said as her face scrunched up mock displeasure, "Oh well, they were discussing who had won their little bet." Kasumi's sing-songed, now smiling up at Shepard, who had long ago grown accustomed to her uncanny ability to seemingly appear and disappear at will, even when she wasn't using her cloak.

"And which bet would this be?" He asked the resident thief and chief gossip.

Garrus and Joker both looked at her, pleading her not to tell Shepard. She just shot them a malicious grin.

"Sorry boys, Captain's orders." Then turning her attention back to Shepard, "Their bet as to who would realise that they were absolutely perfect for one another first, Ken and Gabby or you and Tali."

With her mischievous deed for the day completed, she flashed the group a smile and disappeared once again.

Under his breath Garrus muttered "I'm _really_ starting to hate that thief."

Shepard turned to face the pair in front of him and raised a questioning eyebrow, waiting for an explanation.

"Garrus, you, ah, want to take this one. Great, thanks." Joker said quickly as he swivelled his chair around, back to staring intently at his interface.

Sighing, Garrus began to explain himself.

"Look Shepard, it was just a bit of fun, Joker and I have known both you and Tali long enough to see that you two had a bond, even if neither of you recognised it. And after seeing how oblivious Ken and Gabby are to their own chemistry, we decided to make a… friendly wager, of sorts."

"Right, so what makes you think that you've won this bet?" Shepard drawled, still fixing the Turian with a penetrating glare.

"Ah, well I bet on you and Tali, so I kind of assumed that since she had gone up to your cabin last night and not returned…"

Much to Garrus' surprise Shepard began laughing.

Unable to keep the rather confused look off his face, Garrus had to ask.

"Uh, what's so funny?"

"I'm just imagining what Tali will do to you when she finds out." Shepard replied, still chuckling to himself as the image from earlier in the morning returned.

Shepard could see the colour draining from Joker's face and though he wasn't sure it was possible, he would have sworn Garrus blanched at the thought.

"Damn, I hadn't considered that…" He said, his voice little more than a whisper.

"I provided both you and Mr Moreau with adequate warning of the potential health hazards this wager may result in when you originally conceived it, considering Miss Zorah's proclivity for Close Quarters Combat and your confinement onboard a ship that she is intimately familiar with." EDI's holographic form sprung into life on the nearby Holo-Pad to add in her two cents.

"I should go check on the new guns." Garrus said hastily, beating a rapid retreat back to his isolated, and mechanically dead-bolted, Main Battery.

"Yeah, maybe they need some more calibrations." Joker shouted after the fleeing Turian. Then turning to Shepard he said "Tali wouldn't hurt me right? I mean, I'm a cripple, she's too nice to hurt a cripple."

"Maybe, though I don't think Chiktikka makes those kinds of distinctions." Shepard said over his shoulder as he too began to walk away.

* * *

"Hey Tali!" A bright and enthusiastic voice exploded next to her helmet.

Tali jumped to the side in surprise, even as she worked out who the voice belonged to.

"Kasumi! You _have_ to stop doing that!" She said in exasperation. "Why are you down here? Did you need something?"

"What, can't I come and talk to a friend who's been through a traumatic experience, without having an ulterior motive?" The thief replied, appearing as the picture of innocence (if you ignored the cloak, hood and permanently affixed mischievous grin).

Tali just crossed her arms, waiting for the real answer.

"I'm serious! I know the trial was hard on you and I wanted to make sure you were okay."

Tali still didn't trust her hooded friend's altruistic motive, she was definitely up to something, but for the moment she decided to play along.

"I'm feeling better now that I've had time to think about it. It's still a bit of a shock, but I'm okay now. Thanks for asking." She said with a smile, even if the thief couldn't actually see it.

"I bet it was. Still, it looks like at least one good thing came out of it." Kasumi replied, eyes sparkling with mirth under her hood.

_'__So that's what this is about. How does she already- Wait, master thief, never mind.'_ She thought to herself as she slumped back against her console with a groan of "Kasumi…".

"What! I'm just talking about your name change!" Kasumi protested.

Tali just fixed the thief with another silent glare.

"Okay, okay. You and Shep, spill it. What happened last night?" Kasumi had hopped up to sit on one of the other nearby consoles.

Tali was now thoroughly glad that no one else was on duty at the moment, one of the benefits of having an AI on board, she admitted to herself.

"We just…talked." She replied with a shrug.

"Oh come on! Yesterday you went into to Engineering still messed up from the trial, then you go to Shep's cabin looking crazy nervous and then come back down the next morning looking happier than I've ever seen you; there is no way you 'just talked'." The petite human said with exaggerated finger quotes.

"It's true! We just talked for most of the night." Tali insisted, embarrassed by her friend's implications.

"Okay then, what did you 'just talk' about? I knew you were crazy about him from the first time I met you and I was pretty sure Shep felt the same way considering how he rushed all the way to Haestrom to get you, not to mention everything else since."

Seeing that the black-clad human wouldn't be deterred, Tali sighed in resignation and recounted a brief version of the conversation. Kasumi practically squealed with joy and enthusiastically hugged the startled Quarian when she had finished.

"I'm so happy for you; you two will make such a cute couple! So when are you going to tell everyone, you know, make it 'official'?"

"Official? I don't know. We didn't really discuss it. What does that even mean?" A slightly bewildered Tali asked in reply.

"You know, a sort of public acknowledgment of your relationship, to let everyone else know that he's off the market." The thief shrugged as though it should be obvious.

Tali immediately stiffened as thoughts ran through her head. Kasumi clearly noticed as well.

"What's wrong, did I just insult your race or something?" Kasumi asked, only half joking.

"No, no. It's nothing, I was just… distracted." Tali said, snapping back to the conversation at hand.

"Tali, you're a terrible liar, now what's up?" Kasumi deadpanned.

Tali sighed in resignation again.

"It's just… he could have any woman in the galaxy, someone he could be with whenever he wanted, someone of a more 'acceptable' race for him, Keelah, even someone he could see the face of! I know he said that he loved me, but I can't help but think that…" Her voice trailed off into uncertainty.

"… that he might want someone else?" Kasumi finished for her.

Tali could only nod her now bowed head in reply.

"I can't speak for Shep, but I've seen how he looks at you, how he cares for you. And I've never known him to go back on his word." Kasumi replied emphatically, resting a hand on her friend's shoulder.

After taking a moment to digest her words, Tali looked back at the human woman sitting next to her. She could understand what she was saying, it even made sense, and she would never doubt Shepard's sincerity. But still, her nagging doubts and concerns ate away at her.

"Thanks for coming by Kasumi. And thanks for the talk, it helps."

The thief flashed a smile and activated her cloak once more, disappearing into the surroundings.

"Anytime."

* * *

"If he said that then you either trust him, so you have nothing to worry about, or you don't and you've already decided."

"I-I guess I hadn't thought about it like that, and I do trust him. If he said it then I guess… I'm going to go talk to him, thanks for your help."

The Asari shop attendant walked towards her Krogan boyfriend and embraced him as best she could while Shepard returned to idly browsing the kiosk.

"Damn, Shepard, giving romantic advice about how to deal with a love sick Krogan poet, maybe we really _do_ have a chance against the Collectors after all." Garrus drawled with a trademark smirk once the renewed couple were out of earshot.

"Laugh it up Garrus, I'm sure Tali or I could find some way to mess with your precious calibrations." Shepard shot back without looking up from the item list.

"Two against one? That's hardly fair Shepard, how am I supposed to compete now that you two are a couple?"

"Don't start something you can't finish, Vakarian. Come on, we should get moving before Liara starts to wonder where we are. Are you coming Tali?"

She looked up from the kiosk that she was only vaguely paying attention to as she scrolled through the product list.

Her mind was still working through what Shepard had said to the Asari.

He was right, as usual, and while he hadn't intended it to be relevant to her when he said it, it still answered that doubt that had plagued her since she spoke to Kasumi earlier in the morning. He had said he loved her, that he only wanted to be with her, and she did trust him. He was her best friend and she had always trusted him with her life; and now she trusted him with her heart.

"Yes, just seeing if they had any interesting Omni-tool upgrades." She said as she fell into step next to him, beaming up at him through her visor.

"Anything catch your eye?"

"There was a Medical Suite upgrade, it had a few interesting programs that helped with medigel dispersal and…"

He just smiled as she listed the benefits and the upgrade ideas she already had for it, rambling on until they were nearly at Liara's office.

_'__Yes'_ she thought to herself, _'I definitely trust him.' _

* * *

**[AN: And there you go, chapter 4 is done.**

**I would just like to thank everyone for the remarkable amount of feedback I have received on this story, it's a massive encouragement and I'm very happy to know that you readers are enjoying it as well.**

**Also, thanks to V-rcingetorix to the suggestion for putting character thoughts in italics, I'll be going back over the other chapters and applying this change soon.**

**Thanks again, and if you have any feedback or questions, please do ask and I'll reply to you as soon as I am able./AN]**


	5. The Rarest of Men

**Disclaimer: **I do not own or make any claim to the Mass Effect universe or the characters contained in this story, all of which are owned by BioWare and Electronic Arts. This is simply my interpretation of some events within the game universe.

**[AN: So...**

**It's been quite a while since I've updated, and I'm sorry about that. Sometimes stuff just gets in the way, and I found it really tough to actually get started on this chapter, but it's finally done. **

**Here's the chapter, I'll continue this note at the end./AN]**

* * *

**_Normandy_****SR-2, Interstellar Space (January 26, 2186, 1345 hours, Ship Time):**

The warm, dry air of the Life-Support room rushed into his lungs immediately as he stepped inside, a feeling he had become quite familiar with over the last month.

In that time, Thane really hadn't done much to the room. There was an unobtrusive foldout cot stowed in the far corner, a couple of extra de-humidifiers packed neatly next to the filtration systems, a gun rack that none-too-subtly displayed his impressive collection of killing tools and armour, and a small, easy to overlook mirror that, from Thane's normal position meditating in the centre of the room, granted him an excellent view of the window that looked out at the Mass Effect Core; just in case.

Really, if you ignored the gun rack and the iridescent, scaled alien in the middle of the room, you'd hardly know anyone called it 'theirs'; certainly not like Kasumi or Zaeed's rooms.

"Shepard, is there something I can do for you? You seem troubled," Thane asked, breaking his meditation and standing up. Only then did he actually open his eyes.

"Yes actually, I was hoping you could spare a moment to talk?" He asked, not even surprised by the assassin's uncanny ability to read people.

"Of course, what do you wish to discuss?" Thane queried while he folded open his cot and motioned for Shepard to take a seat if he so wished.

Taking his usual spot on a nearby crate, Shepard sat quietly for a moment, collecting his jumbled thoughts before beginning.

"Thane… knowing everything that you do now, everything that would happen, would- would you still have pursued a relationship with Irikah back when you first encountered her?"

Thane's black eyes seemed to light up in realisation and memories danced beneath them as he took a moment to consider the question.

"You are concerned about your relationship with Tali'Zorah, what could happen to her, and what could happen to you if you lost her. Worthwhile concerns for men in our line of work," it wasn't a questions, but John nodded all the same.

"To answer your question though, yes. Perhaps it is selfish of me, but Irikah was my Siha, my Love, and the ten years we spent together remain some of my fondest memories. To quote one of your great poets, Lord Alfred Tennyson, ''Tis better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all'."

"So after everything, you don't regret anything?" Shepard asked, his mind still stuck in contemplation.

"You do not need to 'walk on eggshells' around the topic, Shepard. Irikah was tortured, executed and her remains were used as message to me, directly because of my line of work. But the men responsible have suffered in kind, and I have made my peace with it. And I regret many things. There are days when my regret threatens to swallow me completely; I regret being so distant from my family at times, I regret not taking more precautions to ensure their safety, I regret not being close enough to protect them and I regret abandoning Kolyat after I had exacted my vengeance. But I will never regret loving her, or Kolyat, or the years we spent together. Though weathered by time and pain, the love we shared has not diminished."

Shepard absorbed this for a moment. He couldn't imagine losing Tali, especially if it was because she was connected to him. Akuze had taught him about loss, how to hide the pain and guilt and function afterwards, but not how to make peace with it or move beyond it and he knew losing Tali might just be a death-blow to his psyche.

Seeming to sense his conflicted thought, Thane answered his unasked questions.

"Drell understand the reality of death and loss better than most other species," he broke into a violent coughing fit as he said it, the wet, congested sound at odds with his normally dry, raspy voice, "some more so than others," he offered with a small, wry smile at the reminder of his own mortality, when he had recovered his breath.

Returning to his main point, he continued.

"Between the centuries of conflict on Rakhana and the realities of Kepral's Syndrome on Kahje, we share many philosophical similarities with the Asari when it comes to life, death and love; make the most of your life, make peace with your death and enjoy love while you have it. It is rare that I have seen two individuals as close as you and Tali'Zorah, it would be unwise to spurn such an opportunity."

"I know, and it kills me to even be thinking about this, but the mission, the Reapers… it's bigger than me, bigger than us, it's the entire Galaxy at stake and I just don't know what would happen to me if I lost her. You spent three years on a personal mission to hunt down Irikah's killers and I sure as hell know I'd do the same in your position, but I can't afford that sort of distraction. God, I feel terrible talking about her like she's a burden or something, she's not, she's so much more, but… I just don't know," Shepard trailed off as he through his hands up in irritation.

Normally Garrus would be the person he talked to about things like this, but Thane had become a close friend in the time he been on board, once the assassin had begun to open up slightly. The similarities between the two of them were hard for either man to ignore and it had spawned a rare sort of trust between them.

"You fear that you would be so twisted by your grief and loss that you would be trapped by your desire for vengeance like Mr Massani has; becoming more animal than man in a spiral of death and violence. For what it is worth, Commander, I do not believe you are such a man."

"Thanks, Thane. I guess I'm just trying to work things out in my head. The mission through the Omega-4 relay is so close now and we're as ready as we can be, but it's not being called a 'Suicide Mission' for nothing and there's this little voice in my head that keeps saying it would be better for me _and_ Tali if I were to just break it off, at least until the Reapers are dealt with. Harbinger's already shown he's willing to get personal and I can't trust myself to make the best decision for the Mission if he were to target her."

Thane regarded him for a moment, thinking over everything he had just said and comparing it to what he had seen so far, before he replied, his voice's characteristic calm replaced by an earnestness rarely heard from the reserved Drell.

"Shepard, consider this with me; if you were to end any sort of relationship between you and Tali'Zorah right at this moment, would you care for her any less?"

Shepard didn't need long to think about the question. Of course he would still care about her, he loved her, it's was barely worth asking.

"No, of course not," he replied, wondering exactly what Thane was getting at.

"Would the Reaper's be any less likely to target her specifically?"

"No."

"Would your decision-making on a mission change just because you were no longer in an official relationship with her?"

Remembering Haestrom, the _Alarei_, and half-a-dozen other missions, he could only answer "no" as he realised the point Thane was making.

"Would you feel any less grief or pain if she were to die?"

"No."

"What if she were to be injured?"

"No."

"Would your mind be clearer and more able to focus?"

"Definitely not."

"Then what exactly would you gain, other than misery and confusion for both yourself and Tali'Zorah, by 'breaking it off'?"

"Thanks, Thane, I think I really needed that. You're right, it wouldn't allay any of my fears and it would have destroyed our friendship as well; I think that's what would have hurt the most," Shepard said as he realised exactly how stupid an idea it was.

"It was my pleasure, Commander. You are fortunate, your Siha is a capable warrior in her own right and she will fight with fire for you; or perhaps plasma is more accurate," he said with a small laugh, "and your closeness is a strength, not a burden; do not let yourself be tricked into thinking otherwise."

Standing up from his seat, Shepard bowed his head in thanks.

"Don't worry, I won't. Thank you again, Thane, I know some of these memories aren't pleasant for you."

"You are one of the few friends I can claim to have ever made, John Shepard, and I am always willing to help my friends. Though if I can make one final suggestion; talk to her about your concerns. Neither of you are strangers to loss or the realities of our mission; you may just find she can put your mind at rest far more effectively than I or anyone else can."

Shepard nodded in understanding, realising the wisdom in his words, as he turned to leave.

"You know Thane, you might have missed your calling as a relationship counsellor." He called back as he walked out of his room.

Thane's amused chuckle followed him out as he left.

* * *

**[AN: And there you, something a little bit different.**

**This chapter feels a bit rough to me, and it's shorter than the previous ones have been, but that's a result of its subject matter, I think.**

**I'd love to get some feedback on this, though, so if there's anything, please let me know.**

**I have the final chapter for this story already written, but I'm not sure if I want to put anything else in beforehand. If you readers have any suggestions, then I'll strongly consider them. Otherwise, expect the next/final chapter in a week or so.**

**Oh, and if anyone can guess what the chapter title 'The Rarest of Men' is a reference to, I'll be very impressed (my profile page may hold a clue or two).**

**Thanks again, and I hoped you enjoyed the chapter. /AN]**


	6. In Memory

**Disclaimer: **I do not own or make any claim to the Mass Effect universe or the characters contained in this story, all of which are owned by BioWare and Electronic Arts. This is simply my interpretation of some events within the game universe.

**[AN: And here you are, this chapter was the result of a suggestion by V-rcingetorix (thanks again for the suggestion!), so I hope you enjoy it.**

**EDIT: fixed a couple of points for clarity and grammar, thanks again V-rcingetorix. ****/AN]**

* * *

**_Normandy _****SR-2, Interstellar Space (January 31, 2186, 2035 hours, Ship Time):**

She found him in his cabin, as usual, with another one of his weapons broken down and tinkered with on the work desk, as usual, and staring contentedly at his aquarium, as usual.

It was a common routine by now; his shift in the CIC finished well before her time in Engineering, and it wasn't uncommon for her to spend a few extra hours working on a particularly irritating issue or upgrade either, so he continued on with his normal routine; analysing new intelligence Miranda had forwarded, checking in with the crew in general and ground teams in particular, discussing improvements with Jacob, Mordin and, on occasion, herself. But in the end he would retreat to his cabin, maintaining and modifying his personal arsenal and, eventually, relaxing with music in the background and his eyes locked on his aquarium.

It was usually at this point that, like today, Tali would show up, and then they would sit and chat and laugh and hold each other close. Occasionally, Garrus would join them, and it would be just like that first night after Haestrom, but most nights it was just the two of them, and they savoured it.

But Tali had always wondered exactly what it was about the aquarium that always captured his attention. She could appreciate the careful layout of the tank and the colourful, energetic aesthetic of the fish themselves, but it always struck her as more of a curiosity than anything else. But he always seemed so entranced by it, so peaceful; and she wanted to understand why.

Evidently she must have been dwelling a little too deeply on the question this night, as Shepard seemed to notice her distraction and the occasional glances she took at the tank while they were conversing.

"You alright, Tali? You seem a little… I don't know, out of it? You haven't really said that much."

"Oh, yes, I'm fine, I was just thinking; sorry," she replied quickly, snapping out of her thoughts. The last thing she wanted was for him to think she was distancing herself from him.

"Hey, no need to apologise, I get lost in thought often enough myself. What exactly were you thinking about? It must have been pretty important, judging by how zoned out you were," he asked, curious as to what idea or question had taken a hold of his girlfriend's mind.

"It's nothing, I was just- no, no, it's stupid, really; just forget I was ever distracted."

"Come on Tali, you know you can ask me anything. Besides, I don't think you could ask a stupid question if you tried; and even if you could, I've asked more than my fair share of them over the years, so you're allowed a couple, too."

"Persistent Bosh'tet," she muttered under her breath, but the smile on his face told her he heard it clear as day. "Fine, you always look so calm when I find you staring at it, and I just wanted to know… why?"

Shepard smiled at the question, but it was a small, sad smile; a true smile, certainly, but sad none the less.

"I guess it reminds me of my childhood a bit, before Akuze, before the Reapers… before my dad died. You know I grew up on ships and space stations, but my parents thought I should have a pet, something to teach me a degree of responsibility, but most pets don't exactly mix well with life in space. Then, for my twelfth birthday, my parents found a solution; an aquarium. They were perfect for life on a ship; compact, light on resources, small enough to move easily and the inhabitants couldn't escape and cause havoc anywhere in the ship. The first one they got me was this silly, gimmicky all-in-one setup, the 'N7 Special Edition', it even had the stripe and everything," he said with an amused snort as he reminisced.

"It was only a small tank but after a couple of days of research and choosing the fish I wanted, I was hooked. I had another three tanks, each one bigger than the first by the time I was seventeen, but then I started cutting down on them before I joined the Marines; can't really look after them when I'm a couple of dozen astronomical units away for months at a time, after all. I never had the opportunity to seriously keep a tank going after that, it's been years since I'd even considered it, actually. And then I walk into this cabin and the first thing I see is this enormous, wall mounted aquarium and… I don't know, either Cerberus got really lucky when designing this room, or they did _way _too much research into my history, but I just couldn't let it go to waste."

Tali was more than a little surprised, pleasantly so, at Shepard's frank admissions. It had always been a challenge to get much personal history out of him, which wasn't surprising, but one of the things they'd really bonded over at first was the commonalities in their upbringing; both had lived in space for their entire lives, both had grown up in military families, and both of them had lost a parent. And while pets were completely outside her realm of experience, she could understand wanting to keep a part of her past with her.

"Do you know why my drone is named Chiktikka? She's named after a toy my mother gave me when I was little; the first one I was given when I could finally leave the bubble. It was a simple thing, a little ball that rolled around in funny ways and projected colourful shapes on the walls as it went. It was the first piece of electronics I ever took apart and reassembled and I would spend hours playing with it and improving it, even as I got older; I even had it with me on my Pilgrimage, a reminder of Home, and my mother. I knew that when I finished my Pilgrimage, I couldn't be seen to be carrying around a child's toy with me anymore, so I left it with the rest of my possessions on the Rayya, but when I finally finished work on my drone, and I saw the way it lit up the room, I couldn't think of a better name for her." She finished somewhat awkwardly. She was embarrassed to talk about it, really, but she figured it was only fair seeing as he had shared something personal to him as well.

She looked up to see Shepard smiling brightly at her, a welcome change from his more sombre state just prior.

"It's very fitting; I'm glad you've still got that, at least, left of your mother." Shepard said as he stared wistfully at the fish darting around inside the aquarium once more.

"What about you? Do you keep any of the fish as a reminder of your father?" Tali queried, seeing the look he was giving the tank.

"Yeah, you could say that. Here, let me show you…" he said as he stood up and offered his hand to her.

He pointed out a cluster of six small, almost triangular fish, resting on the sandy bottom of the aquarium beneath a large cluster of leaves.

"_Corydoras sterbai_, a small armoured catfish from one of the largest freshwater systems on Earth, most people just call them Cory's though. My dad pointed them out to me when I first started researching different fish to get. I decided I'd try them out, and now they're one of my favourites; they've had a place in every tank so far and I don't see that changing any time soon."

Tali lowered her head so she could get a better look at the strange little fish, her helmet bumping into the glass barrier. They were far from the most colourful or impressive fish the tank, their marking were relatively plain, except for the vibrant golden yellow/orange of their front fins. Then a couple of them started moving, but away from her like she had feared, but closer to the glass. Soon the others got the idea and suddenly there was a small pile of them resting right in front of her.

"They think you might feed them so they're getting all friendly; just wait until they start foraging, then they really become fun to watch. They might not be the most obvious fish, but they have some of the best personality," Shepard said as he watched in amusement as Tali stared, enthralled at the small catfish.

"Oh, and did you know the name _Corydoras_ actually means 'Helmet Skin', because of their armour plates? Of course, because of their small size, a lot of people just refer to them as 'little helmet heads'. I guess you could say that there was more than one reason why I like them so much…"

If it hadn't of been for _her_ helmet, Tali's blush would have been practically incandescent.

* * *

**[AN: And there you have it, another chapter down.**

**As I said before, this chapter was inspired by V-rcingetorix's suggestion, so you can thank them if you liked the chapter.**

**And yes, the Corydoras' are a real genus of fish, native to South America. C. sterbai is one of the most popular in the aquarium trade and their name does actually mean 'Helmet Skin' and some people do call them 'little helmet heads', which, if you've ever seen one, if a perfectly reasonable description.**

**I'll still happily take ideas and requests, though they can't really be mission-focused as we're quite close to the Suicide Mission in this timeline. I actually have plans for three more chapters at the moment, so there will still be more chapters to come.**

**Thanks again for taking the time to read, any and all feedback is appreciated and I'll do my utmost to answer any questions you might have. /AN]**


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